Breaking up with Potter: Being better
Last year, I posted this: Falling out of love with an old friend: How to be a Potter fan in 2020. I wanted to write this new piece to document the changes in mentality I have undergone because personal growth is important. It isn't a personal attack on anyone in any way, we're all different people who will have come to our own conclusions, though I do hope it is challenging. As always, call me out on anything that's terrible here.
Over the past year, I've done a lot of reading and listening, and watching. I’ve listened to trans and nonbinary voices (friends/influences/creatives etc.) and the overwhelming message from those voices has been: Get over Potter.
I was particularly affected by a close genderqueer friend who I met through Potter and was fully immersed in the fandom. They have absolutely stopped supporting the universe. To them, this meant a lot of changes to their life happening very quickly because they just couldn't anymore.
It should go without saying that no group is homogenous, so not every trans or gender non-conforming person has reacted in the same way, nor offered me the same advice, but the overwhelming message was the same: You cannot support me and support her. The artist is still alive and kicking, you can't separate the art. Essentially, I was not doing enough.
-----x-----
Well, I didn’t like that. I was resentful that they couldn’t see that I was trying and that I had changed some of my behaviour. Suggesting that wasn't enough made me embarrassed. I was angry that this author was making me change what I did and who I should be friends with. I think it was fair enough that I was feeling that way because changing your mindset is difficult. It takes time but it needed to be done.
A lot of confusing things have happened in the past year, but one thing is certain: it is more dangerous for trans folk in the UK than it was a year ago, the media are more aggressive and terfs are more vocal. It would be naive to separate that from one of the most influential people in the UK spreading just that rhetoric.
Personally, it was also difficult because I'm hardly ever an ally in a situation of oppression. I'm a brown, queer woman so am generally looking around me and giving suggestions on what would be helpful from allies. I've always had an awareness that the fact that I am cis and able-bodied gave me privilege but I hadn't done enough work on what that meant. I do however know how people being non-allies makes me feel and I was determined not to be that person.
Well, I didn’t like that. I was resentful that they couldn’t see that I was trying and that I had changed some of my behaviour. Suggesting that wasn't enough made me embarrassed. I was angry that this author was making me change what I did and who I should be friends with. I think it was fair enough that I was feeling that way because changing your mindset is difficult. It takes time but it needed to be done.
A lot of confusing things have happened in the past year, but one thing is certain: it is more dangerous for trans folk in the UK than it was a year ago, the media are more aggressive and terfs are more vocal. It would be naive to separate that from one of the most influential people in the UK spreading just that rhetoric.
Personally, it was also difficult because I'm hardly ever an ally in a situation of oppression. I'm a brown, queer woman so am generally looking around me and giving suggestions on what would be helpful from allies. I've always had an awareness that the fact that I am cis and able-bodied gave me privilege but I hadn't done enough work on what that meant. I do however know how people being non-allies makes me feel and I was determined not to be that person.
-----x-----
I kept reading and followed people that would flood my social media with educational posts and rage. I got more and more uncomfortable with doing the 'small' things like wearing potter merch (because it might not be small to my trans friends I am with) or seeing my friends at events. As a smart person making a big effort, the shift was happening. I was moving away from tolerance of the popularity of potter and keeping a mild interest in it to blocking it out.
I realised that ultimately, this is a fictional world. It isn’t real. I do not need it.
If she makes money from it, I am supporting her.
If she gains exposure from it, I am supporting her.
Will I make a difference on my own? Possibly not. Do I live in an isolated world where I influence nobody? No. And I am trying to influence people. I've decided that it is more important to me to be taken seriously when talking about trans rights to people looking to pick holes in my intentions. I don't want live with the dissonance of advocating for trans rights while supporting one of the most influential terfs in the world.
It isn't easy. I remember how much joy Potter gave me and the buzz of excitement I got from celebrating it at events. I am so mad that I can't ever have that again. I want to go to Cursed Child, I want to wear robes at Halloween and take comfort from putting myself into a little Ravenclaw box to figure myself out. But I've moved from needing to feel that familiarity to missing the excitement and I'm sure that will fade too.
Our brains are plastic, they can change if we really want them to. And to me, making this shift is the right thing to do.
I kept reading and followed people that would flood my social media with educational posts and rage. I got more and more uncomfortable with doing the 'small' things like wearing potter merch (because it might not be small to my trans friends I am with) or seeing my friends at events. As a smart person making a big effort, the shift was happening. I was moving away from tolerance of the popularity of potter and keeping a mild interest in it to blocking it out.
I realised that ultimately, this is a fictional world. It isn’t real. I do not need it.
If she makes money from it, I am supporting her.
If she gains exposure from it, I am supporting her.
Will I make a difference on my own? Possibly not. Do I live in an isolated world where I influence nobody? No. And I am trying to influence people. I've decided that it is more important to me to be taken seriously when talking about trans rights to people looking to pick holes in my intentions. I don't want live with the dissonance of advocating for trans rights while supporting one of the most influential terfs in the world.
It isn't easy. I remember how much joy Potter gave me and the buzz of excitement I got from celebrating it at events. I am so mad that I can't ever have that again. I want to go to Cursed Child, I want to wear robes at Halloween and take comfort from putting myself into a little Ravenclaw box to figure myself out. But I've moved from needing to feel that familiarity to missing the excitement and I'm sure that will fade too.
Our brains are plastic, they can change if we really want them to. And to me, making this shift is the right thing to do.
With love x
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